Have you ever touched someone and felt a wave of warmth wash over you, from the tips of your fingers and toes to the ends of every tiny hair on your body? That rush of instant physical attraction that makes your legs go weak and your brain freeze due to the ineffable, almost unbearable pleasure brought on by their skin making contact with yours?

Directed by Marko Djeska, Sve te senzacije u mom trbuhu (All Those Sensations in My Belly) is a highly expressive depiction of someone’s quest to find this physical and emotional intimacy, whilst overcoming the struggles of self-discovery. Inspired by the appalling attacks on queer people in Djeska’s home city Zagreb, this 13-minute animated documentary is illustrated by Hana Tintor with beautiful observational touches and striking visual sensitivity. All Those Sensations in My Belly is a raw and mesmerising piece of storytelling that digs deep beneath the surface notes of its plot and cements an emotionally charged connection between the central character and her audience.

[caption id="attachment_37467" align="aligncenter" width="640"] All those sensations in my belly Marko Djeska

All those sensations in my belly Marko Djeska

"I felt obliged as a filmmaker to dedicate my next film to one of the topics that remains a taboo in Croatia" - Djeska on the inspiration behind the short.[/caption]

The film follows Matia, a trans woman who recounts her story with bracing honesty, recalling painful memories, like the brutal bullying from the other kids when she was a young boy and the insensitive treatment by the teachers, alongside more pleasant ones, like playing video games with another boy from school and the romantic feelings that blossomed from their friendship. But we learn that her longings for him were crushed when he ghosted Matia after she confessed her feelings for him, leading to depression and suicidal thoughts. Until one night, when Matia realised she was trapped in the wrong body, marking the start of her journey towards happiness and self-acceptance.

“A few years ago in Zagreb (Croatia), there were attacks on queer people, and the climate in the country was quite unhealthy for the minority population” - Djeska shared with S/W - “Since I have many friends who belong to the LGBTQ community, I felt obliged as a filmmaker to dedicate my next film to one of the topics that remains a taboo in Croatia: transgender. I wanted to contribute to the visibility of the LGTBQ community, and to possibly encourage other filmmakers to deal with similar topics.”

Djeska started off by interviewing different trans people in order to find the right story that he wanted to tell. When he met Matia, he quickly realised that she was going to be the subject of his film. The initial plan was for her transition from male to female to shape the narrative, but after interviewing her, it became clear that her struggles to find an honest and intimate connection with another man was a far more powerful and compelling story. It wasn’t till illustrator Tintor came onboard and defined the visual style of the animation, however, that Matia’s words truly came to life.

[caption id="attachment_37471" align="aligncenter" width="640"] All those sensations in my belly Marko Djeska

All those sensations in my belly Marko Djeska

The nightclub scene switches from a white background to black to help immerse its audience.[/caption]

To describe the animation style as simple is inaccurate and outright false. The bold lines and colour washes have an intentional child-like aesthetic, but nothing about it is simple or accidental. The film is filled with striking flourishes that highlight key narrative points and the visceral emotions they are linked with - like the distressing nightclub scene, with its vibrant neon colours against the black background, or the peaceful scene in the garden of Eden, animated with soft and calming pastels. These deliberate and carefully considered design decisions capture Matia’s experiences, and add an intense vitality to them, bringing an intimate understanding of her emotional state without using words, and capturing her transition into womanhood in a unique and utterly captivating way.

All Those Sensations in My Belly is inspiring both for its visual language and its story. It reveals a universal truth - that the thing we desire the most is often not what makes us the happiest. I admire and applaud Matia for finding her happy ending by discovering that it is not a man’s love and acceptance that she needed. It was her own. And that’s a pretty great takeaway if you ask me, because, in the wise words of an LGBTQ royalty, if you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?

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